they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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