I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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