I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
