I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
