Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
