shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
