let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
