Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
