I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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