Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
