There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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