It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
