I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
