Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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