mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
