Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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