sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
