The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
