The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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