WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish there were birth control emojis
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
