i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
