eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
