Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
