he puts the penis in happiness.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
BRING THE BAGELS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
