everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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