I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
