Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
