ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
