Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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