It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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