The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
