The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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