just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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