she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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