i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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