Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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