Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
