no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
