Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
