I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
