totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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