DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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