we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
