I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
