I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
