there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
