If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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