But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
