I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
