I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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